Joe persuaded me it would be fun to fill out the Church of Scientology personality test over lunch and organize a field-trip to the 84th St branch to have our results analyzed by the Scientologists.

    “The Oxford Capacity Analysis(TM) test (OCATM) is a professional personality test that uses 200 specially designed questions to provide an in-depth look at your personality. It will accurately show you both your strong points – so you can take advantage of them – and your problem areas – those things that are blocking your true potentials and happiness in life. Your results will be displayed on a graph like the one shown here, which rates you against 20 different personality traits.”

We love personality tests, Joe and I. It’s a symptom of our Myers-Briggs ENFP type. But this one was interminable and as humorless as Tom Cruise.

Yes, I chew my nails and/or pencils.
Yes, I “turn up the volume” on my emotions for effect.
No, I don’t browse through railway timetables, directories, or dictionaries just for pleasure.
No, I couldn’t agree to “strict discipline”.
No, I am not sometimes considered by others a “spoilsport”
No, I can’t stand this test any more.

So I think I failed the Dianetics personality test. This is a new low. Now I’ll never get Tom away from Penelope.

On the bright side, I did really well in that test that scores your intelligence based on how fast you realize there’s no end to the questions. Being a quitter is underrated.