The Dervala Diet™
In 1997, I decided to be efficient, wardrobe-wise. I’d wear interesting trousers and skirts, but I’d pair them with identical black hoodies. This would be my look for the season. Machine washable, cotton, still cool. It worked fine until my friend Alex confessed that it had taken him a while to figure out that I didn’t wear the same sweater every day.
‘See, the reason I know is because the food stains are in a different place every day.’
The humiliation drove me back to my bad old fashionista ways.

I thought it was an isolated incident until Joe noted recently that he could make an entire turkey sandwich from the crumbs under my desk. And Jason claimed he could feed a village on the smears on my face after lunch. And then Peter Steinberg bought me the Sippy cup.

Note to self: change friends.