Native Tourist

People constantly ask me for directions. I don’t know why. Today, yet another woman asked me the way to somewhere or other. I wanted to say: ‘Look! Look at my milk-white legs, my enormous suitcase, my sunhat, for God’s sake. What in the name of God makes you think I know my arse from my elbow in this town?’

Instead, I said ‘Non…parlo…italiano.’