Gusset Difficulties

My Spa Samui beach bungalow is less luxurious than I’d expected. For one thing, there was a large black slug in the bathroom on the first night. I assumed it was a slug; it could have been a leech for all I knew. I didn’t feel up to dealing with a squishy friend, so I shut the door, undressed and got into bed. In the morning, no slug, but the gusset had been eaten out of my knickers! ( I’d sluttishly left them on the floor). Is my squishy friend a secret weirdo pervert? Or should I blame the plump gecko?

It’s a setback, since as an intrepid traveller I’d only brought three pairs in the first place. However, in Dublin, it was considered a compliment to say ‘I’d eat chips out of your knickers, love!’ I’ve resolved to take this in the same spirit. What else can I do?

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