I’m learning a new language, with a one-word vocabulary. In California, everything is organic, down to the bottled water they fly in from New Zealand. Organic oats Organic cayenne pepper. Organic cotton cleansing pads. Organic jicama. “Is it or-gan-ic?” they ask in restaurants, even when the menu is bloated with the word. After New York City’s grubby bodegas, where a Slim Jim cost as much as a pallet of strawberries here, I am round-eyed at this west coast feast. (The proof: I’ve put on five pounds in five weeks.)

I’m glad that I’m rich enough to afford gently-reared food, even if it’s fertilized by the bullshit of fussy white people. I love the Bernal Heights Farmer’s Market on Saturday mornings. The pro-dooce, as they call fruit and vegetables in this country, tastes wonderful. Still, the prissiness of it all makes me want to lick an oil tanker.

In the Trader Joe’s parking lot I stuff the saddlebags of my little bike while all around me people load up their armored vehicles with well-travelled organic artichokes and Eurotrash water. Their bodies are well-cared for, but the planet is still battered.

4 thoughts on “Compost”

  1. Oy! I’m wiping tears of laughter away from my eyes while I type. Having lived my entire life in a fussy, organic-everything region of Northern California, your descriptions had me in hysterics. “…fertilized by the bullshit of fussy white people” is SO on target.

    Thanks for the laugh.


  2. If only that was true! Unfornately it is fish meal that tends to be the fertilizer of choice in Organic farming… while Organic farming is very good for the terrestrial ecosystem may not be good news for the marine ecosystem.


  3. “Still, the prissiness of it all makes me want to lick an oil tanker.” Splutter, wheeez, wipe streams of coffee from face!


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